28/01/2010 by Pat.

Well, it is getting on towards Easter now!  Someone should change the subject!

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07/11/2009 by Pat.

An Australian ventriloquist is telling dumb-women jokes in a bar when a lady stands up and complains, “I’ve heard enough of your lousy jokes about women”, she shouts. “What makes you think you can stereotype women in this way?”

The ventriloquist is very embarrassed and starts to apologise.

The lady interrupts,

“You stay out of it mister! I’m talking to the little b*****d on your knee!”

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16/05/2009 by Pat.

You now know why the word ‘politics’ is used to describe the process of Government.  ‘Poli’ in Latin means ‘many’ and  ‘tics’ are ‘blood sucking creatures’.

or this

Man to politician: “There’s only one honest way to make money”.

Politician: “And what way is that?”

Man to politician: “I had a feeling you wouldn’t know!”

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16/05/2009 by Pat.

Tony Blair is skating on a frozen pond when the ice cracks and he falls in.  Luckily three boys are on hand to pull him out.

“You’ve saved my life”, says Tony. “How can I repay you?”

“I’d like a toy car”, says one boy.

“I’d like  a toy plane”, says another.

“I’d like a motorised wheelchair”, says the third boy.

“Why do you want a wheel chair?”, says Tony. “You look very healthy to me”.

“I am”, says the boy.  “but I’m going to need one when my dad hears I helped save Tony Blair”.

Be good,

God bless,

Pat.

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25/04/2009 by Pat.

Richard, I’m most awfully sorry mate.  I have only just noticed your enquiry about Letitia and Rabies.  Got a bit carried away with all the funny goings on that have been blogged just lately.  Anyway, my deepest apologies for the oversight.  It was not deliberate, I assure you, and thanks for the thought.

They are both well - I think Rabies is a little ahead on points as he tends to get a bit more attention by virtue of trying to kick the door down when he wants to go out.  He does that several times a day, and I don’t think it does Letitia’s nerves any good at all. But she is alright. Doesn’t say much but keeps busy doing this and that as good little sheilas are supposed to.

Glad to see that you and your clan are OK too.  Please give them my regards.

Sounds a bit tough over there in the UK just now.  Look after yourself and keep your peckers up all of you.

Be good,

Pat.

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24/04/2009 by Pat.

Hi Ted,

I dropped into the bar the other evening with Rabies for a bit of lubrication. There were three men and a dog at a table playing cards.

“Smart dog!”, I said as I passed.

“He’s not so smart”, said one man. “Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail!” 

Well, you can believe it or not,

God bless,

Pat.

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22/04/2009 by Pat.

The man walked up to the counter.

“A plate of mashed potatoes, please”, he said.

The assistant smiled at him.

“You must be Irish”, she remarked.

“I resent your remark”, protested the man.  “It is against the law and is racially abusive.  If I came in here and asked for a haggis would you assume that I am a Scotsman?”

“No”, said the assistant.

“And if I came into here and asked for spaghetti would I have to be Italian?”

“No”, said the assistant.

“Then why is it right for you you to assume that I am Irish just because I ask for a plate of mashed potato?”, stormed the man.

“Because this is a hairdressers”, smiled the assistant.

(PS.  Over there in the UK you can probably be arrested for laughing at this joke!)

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04/04/2009 by Pat.

Had a chuckle about Bill and Amy.

Reminded me of the time when my mum was here too.  She was getting pretty old and unstable so we admitted her to a care home and I used to visit her as often as I could.

I remember going one day and she was lying on the bed fast asleep having a nap.  I didn’t disturb her.  I had my paper so I read that till she wakened.  She had a bowl on her bedside table nearly filled with peanuts - a particular favourite of mine.  Anyway, to cut a long story short I helped myself to one ot two peanuts being sure that she wouldn’t mind as I read my paper.  Eventually when I dipped my hand in for another peanut I realised that there were none left - I had scoffed the lot, so when she awoke I had to apologise.  She said, “Don’t worry son.  I left them there because I’m not fond of the peanuts once I have sucked the chocolate  off “. Euk!!! I know she was my mum, but the thought ………!!!  Anyway she has passed on now but I still miss her a lot. Still that’s life, eh?

Had another chuckle the other day too.  I was walking by the river and I saw a bloke on the opposite bank.  I wanted to cross the river but hadn’t a clue as to where there was a bridge, so I shouted across to him “How do I get to the other side?” - and he shouted back, “You are on the other side!”  Cool eh? Never did find the bridge either.

Anyway, must go.

Speak to you soon,

All the best, Pat.

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01/04/2009 by Pat.

Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.  Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1,826 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues.

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21/03/2009 by Pat.

Political Spongiform Encephalopathy (PSE) (commonly known as Mad Politicians Disease) continues to ravage Westminster. The disease is transmitted by contact with Nu-liebour Government ministers. Further contaminated areas were uncovered recently in Tesco, Aldi and ASDA.  Disease symptoms include acute megalomania, excessive greed, uncontrollable, persistent and irrational desire for irresponsible and petty lawmaking, malignant desire to inflict misery on indigenous UK citizens, an insistence, when faced with the catastrophic results of their actions, that these results are caused by others and that their own (unadmitted) irrational and disastrous actions are, in fact, the only hope for saving the UK and the world.  

There is no known cure for PSE except culling of the affected herd. 

This will take place urgently at the next General Election.

PS.  Could you put your flag on this one Ted?  Thanks.  Pat.

Hey Richard, in your piece about the BNP, how woud you distinguish the imagined BNP thugs and troublemakers committing violent acts that you mention from the regular non-BNP ones who are doing this in the UK every day of the week by all accounts? I sure am glad my parents emigrated when they did.

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26/07/2008 by Pat.

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21/06/2008 by Pat.

Who can doubt that there is something deeply wrong in the United Kingdom today?  Everyone seems to be looking out for themselves, nobody seems to care, nobody appears to have any honour or respect - from the top to the bottom.  Half a generation of children are growing up without a father, the government is encouraging children into promiscuity, perversion is honoured, injustice is done in the courts and the poor are robbed by the national lottery.  The Christian Faith itself is under attack from the media. Our politicians lie and cheat, and our soldiers are dying for no reason in a foreign land.  Last but not least, we kill our own children.  The judgment of God is falling on us.  How did it come to this?

Read more: http://www.christianvoice.org.uk/

             and: http://www.christianvoice.org.uk/media/Britain_in_Sin.pdf

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21/06/2008 by Pat.

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20/08/2007 by Pat.

 Politically correct Merry Christmas and Happy New Year ….. from Oz.

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all… and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Britain great (not to imply that Britain is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “Britain” in the Western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual orientation of the wishee.

This wish is limited to the customary and usual good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.”Holiday” is not intended to, nor shall it be considered, limited to the usual Judeo-Christian celebrations or observances, or to such activities of any organized or ad hoc religious community, group, individual or belief (or lack thereof).

DISCLAIMER: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting the following terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher at any time, for any reason or for no reason at all. This greeting is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for the wishee, him/herself or others, or responsibility for the consequences which may arise from the implementation or non-implementation of same.

This greeting is void where prohibited by law.

Not valid to non-Talbot family people.

http://www.politicallyincorrect.me.uk/xmas.htm

 Back with you soon,

Pat.

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17/08/2007 by Pat.

Hi Richard, nice to hear from you. You sound a friendly lot anyway – that’s nice too.

I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression about my walking Rabies. I guess it must be where I say that we hop. I did try to synchronise my hop with Rabies’ a long time ago but it was no good. I guess you have to be another kangaroo to do that. And I’ve never tried a pogo stick. No it is a kind of he leaps and I jerk thing. It gets painful after a bit but it’s not too bad for the first mile or so. I tried towing him along from a truck at one time but he couldn’t get the idea right. I nearly ran over him and killed him so I gave that up. I just have a long leash. He’s on one end and I’m on the other and he hops and I jerk until he’s had enough. Trouble is that he has much more stamina than me nowadays – when he went after that female - that was really painful. I thought my end had come. But at home he is an old softie. He lies under the table as good as gold. When the table starts bouncing I know it is either time for his walk or a feed. Then I have to get a move on or the door takes a battering. But he’s quite domestic really.

I have some lovely photos of him and I will put one on the blog as requested. And you can meet him for yourself is you get over this way. We would both be happy to see you.

Must go now as I am getting ready for my trip to see my brother. I take Rabies with me and sometimes it takes me half a day to get him into the plane. I have to tie him down so that he can’t leap around when we are in the air – or on the ground for that matter - and he doesn’t like being tied down. So it can be quite a struggle getting him in. I did think of having a big net on a rope under the plane like they have on those rescue safari programmes on telly, but I haven’t worked out a way to do it yet. I’m still working on it though.

Best regards,

Pat.

This one was when Rabies was quite small - but cuddly, don’t you think? He is a lot bigger now. If you want some more I’ll put them up.

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17/08/2007 by Pat.

Hi Ted, hope you’re well,

Nice fish them. Well done. And who is Richard – the one who posted the snow shots? He wasn’t driving around in that lot really, was he? It must be nice to be part of a big family like that. I tried to count them on the photo but had to give up. I gather that that is your mother in the Old Folks Home. She looks pretty. And 94 years young eh? Wow!

I’m having to think about Rabies – my kangaroo. He’s growing up now and getting a bit hard to handle. And he’s getting randy. On our walk the other day he picked up the smell of a female and he was off – dragged me for miles and I couldn’t do a thing. Fortunately he lost the scent and when he had calmed down he came home quietly enough.

I’ve had him a while now and we are good mates really. I accidentally shot his mother one day in the bush. Didn’t know he was there until I saw him standing over his mother crying. Did you know that roos cry tears? So I picked him up and brought him home. He was still suckling which was a bit of a worry. But we had just had our second kid and I thought Leticia might be able to help him along until he was weaned. For some reason she didn’t like the idea and when I tried to insist she upped and left me. She took the kids and left me Rabies. So I coped with a bottle and some baby feed and he made it.

I saw a funny thing the other day. I flew into town for some rations and while I was there I had a walk around. There was a sports meeting going on and this guy was walking across the sports ground when a javelin hit him point first straight in the chest. He didn’t half look surprised. He was bleeding a bit so the air ambulance flew him to Queensland Royal. Made a mess of the javelin though.

Saw some news about the UK on telly the other day. It’s not funny over there. I feel real sorry for you. How do you manage?

I’m going to see my brother in a couple of days. He has a bit of a farm up-country – you know, a few chickens and cows and things. Anyway, he heard that his neighbour was having trouble with foxes so he went out and bought a dog to protect his chickens. The dog got into the chicken coop and killed them all. So I’m taking a couple of crates up to console him. If you don’t hear from me for a day or so it’s not because I’ve abandoned you. I’m just busy getting a stinking head for which I know I’ll be sorry. But a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

I am posting a photograph of Leticia. She was a bit prettier when I met her. She was a funny woman in some ways. She wasn’t teetotal but she always said that she preferred me to liquor. I was never sure what she meant by that. Anyway she’s gone now. I may look for a replacement one day but life is OK for now.

I’m going to have a look at the family tree you sent me and see if I recognise anybody. I’ll certainly let you know if I do.

Regards for now,
Pat.

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16/08/2007 by Pat.

Thanks for letting me join your blog.  Maybe we are related having the same surname - who knows. My folks came over to Oz fom UK many years ago. I did start doing a family tree one time but - well you know how these things are  I got as far as one of my relatives being a redheaded sea-captain who murdered a prospector and stole his claim. Thought it was time to stop there! Well, you never know these days. Bit like the yanks and Saddam Hussein.

I’m just going to keep this short for now.  I have a pet kangaroo and he’s trying to kick the door down because its time for his walk - well hop really.  He likes to drag me around a bit and then he settles down under the table again till its time to feed him. Bit of a pain really but is nice to have someone to talk to.  Doesn’t say much himself of course.  But that’s roos for you.

Anyway mate, must go before he splits the door panel. Will be in touch soon, and thanks once again for letting me join your blog.  There seems to be a whole heap of family on the photograph. Look forward to making their acquaintance.

Oh, blimey, must go. See you, mate,

Pat. 

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